


I Gotta Get It Through Your Head

by hewantstomarryharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gemma is awesome by the way, Harry is sad, Internalized Homophobia, It just kind of happens, Lots of that, M/M, Pining, Sort of? - Freeform, The relationship tags make it sound like Louis is a whore, and confused, but I promise you he's not really, omg, sort of, this is probably the most PG thing I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 23:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2365181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hewantstomarryharry/pseuds/hewantstomarryharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And that's it, really. Louis falls asleep, curled into Harry's chest as Harry lies awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how the fuck this is his life.</p>
<p>(Harry is gay. Louis is not. Harry is in love with his best friend. Louis is not. That's how it is, that's how it's always been and probably how it's always going to be.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Gotta Get It Through Your Head

**Author's Note:**

> basically, I was listening to Heartbreak Girl, while dealing with my own stupid crap and this happened? I don't know.  
> Title is from Heartbreak Girl by 5SOS, obviously. Also, I own nothing but the plot. Unfortunately.
> 
> Annndddd the lovely Serena made an edit! It's pretty rad! [Check it out and follow her!](http://serenavintage.tumblr.com/post/109306790818/i-gotta-get-it-through-your-head-summary-and)  
> 

The thing is. It's just, the thing is - Harry had been in love with Louis since he could remember. It was actually since he was sixteen, but it was really the same thing. Three years is a lifetime, really. And Louis hadn't a clue. Also, Louis was _straight_ , so. The thing is simple really - Harry's life sucks.

Currently, he's watching Louis try on different shirts as he gets ready for dinner with Hannah, his girlfriend of three years.

"What do you think, Haz? The blue or black?" Louis asks, holding up two different button ups.

Harry sighs, flipping onto his stomach to see better from where he's laying on Louis' bed. "The blue. It brings out your eyes."

Louis pouts, holding it against himself as he looks in the mirror. "But Hannah likes black."

Harry rolls his eyes, sighing loudly. "Then pick the fucking black one, Louis."

Louis frowns, looking over to where Harry's glaring at Louis' shoes sitting at the door, as if they're offending him just by being in the same room. "What's wrong with you?"

Harry shakes his head, meeting Louis' eyes in the mirror. "Nothing. Just tired."

"Hmm. Early night tonight?" Louis asks, tossing the black shirt back into the pile of rejects. Harry pretends not to notice which shirt he picked. It makes his stomach feel fuzzy though.

"I fucking hope so." Harry replies, picking up his phone and scrolling through his Facebook feed.

"So, tonight's my and Hannah's three years anniversary."

Harry snorts. "Hannah and I."

"What?"

"Nothing, Lou."

Louis looks at himself in the mirror one last time before crossing the room and slipping on his TOMS. "Look good?"

Harry looks up, biting his lip. Of _course_ he looks good, he thinks. He'd done his hair up into a quiff, his black button up form fitting with a pair of his best skinny jeans that showed off his bum.

"Well?" Louis quirks an eyebrow, waiting Harry's response.

The younger boy coughs and looks back to his phone. "Yeah, Lou. Looks good."

Louis grins - Harry's favorite - the one where his eyes crinkle and his little nose scrunches up. "Thanks Haz. You stay however long you want, I probably won't be back until morning."

Harry grimaces, not exactly ever wanting to think of what Louis and Hanna get up to late at night. _Scrabble_ , Harry convinces himself. _Scrabble_ and _FIFA_. "Sounds good. Have fun."

"Wish me luck, yeah?"

Harry furrows his brows. "For what?"

Louis just winks before ducking out of the room, the front door shutting behind him moments later.

" _Fuck_." Harry curses, falling backwards onto the bed. This was not going to end well.

\--

Harry's woken up five hours later, another body crawling into his bed.

"Lou?" He mumbles, squinting his eyes to see in the dark. He see's Louis outline on the other side of the bed, small and shaking.

" _Shit_. Lou. What's wrong?" He asks, pulling Louis into his chest. He's been here before is the thing. Whenever Louis has a fight with Hannah, or his parents - or anyone really - it's always Harry's bed he crawls into. Harry doesn't mind though, of _course_ he doesn't. Hello, in love with the boy much?

The smaller boy shakes his head and sniffles, turning over and burying his face into Harry's chest.

"What happened? Why are you here? What _time_ is it?" He questions, squinting to see the clock that reads one a.m.

"I thought," Louis hiccups. "I thought we were good."

"What? Who? Hannah?"

A sob breaks through Louis again, leaving him clutching against Harry's shirt tighter. "I thought she'd be happy-" He cried, his tears flowing wildly. "I thought-"

Harry sighs, running his hands through Louis' hair and rubbing his back. "It's okay, babe. Tell me what happened."

"I um," Louis says quietly. "I proposed."

Harry freezes, his entire body feeling like it was just thrown into flames and sank to the bottom of the freezing ocean at the same time. Fuck, this is probably what dying feels like, he thinks.

"And?" He asks hesitantly.

"She tells me she's been che-" He cries, curling in on himself, bringing his knees up as he holds onto Harry for dear life. "She's been cheating on me for the past two years."

"Shit." Harry curses, telling himself now is _not_ the right fucking time to feel relieved. " _Shit_. Lou. She's not worth it. Okay, _listen_ to me. You are _perfect_ , and anyone would be lucky to have you-"

"She said it was be-because I wouldn't have se-sex with her."

"What?" This is new information to Harry. _Very_ new information.

"She said she thinks that I'm like," Louis shrugs, voice almost a whisper now. " _Gay_."

"Oh."

"But I'm not!" He protests, pulling back to look at Harry. His blue eyes bore into Harry's and _shit_ , Harry can't do this again. He can't listen to this again. He can't listen to Louis say he isn't gay. Because _heaven forbid_ , they're both gay and things get weird.

"I swear Harry, I am _not_ gay. I promise!"

Harry's jaw tightens and he takes a deep breath. "I know, Lou."

"I promise, Harry."

"I know." He's done this before - does it every single time someone utters even a word about the slight chance Louis may not be one hundred percent straight.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Lou."

"You still love me, right?" Louis asks quietly, resting in head in the crook of Harry's neck.

Harry sighs. "Yeah Lou, I still love you."

" _Good_." Louis presses a kiss on his collar bone. "I love you too."

And that's it, really. Louis falls asleep, curled into Harry's chest as Harry lies awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how the fuck this is his life.

\--

Harry has Gemma over for dinner later that week, re-telling her the events from this months 'gay freak-out' as she so sweetly puts it.

"And he said she broke up with him why?" Gemma asks again as she cuts into her chicken.

Harry frowns. "She'd been cheating on him for two years, I guess."

"Why?"

Harry coughs awkwardly. "They haven't been having sex?"

"And she had to get it somewhere." Gemma nods, taking a bite of her potatoes.

"Don't say it like that." Harry snaps, glaring at his sister.

"What?" She raises an eyebrow. "I'm just _saying_. Did he say why they haven't been having sex?"

Harry shrugs. "She thinks he's gay."

Gemma nearly spits out her food, her eyes wide as she coughs. Harry rolls his eyes and hands her the glass of the water, pursing his lips as she chugs it. "Right." She coughs. "Okay then, _wow_. Did she say _why_ she thought he was gay?"

Harry shrugs again. "I don't know. I wasn't there."

"Right, yeah. Of course." Gemma nods.

"You don't think," Harry pauses, not sure how he wants to word it.

"That Louis _is_ gay and one hundred and ten percent in love with _you_? Why _yes_ , Harold, I do."

"That's not-" Harry groans. "No, please. We aren't doing this again."

"I'm just saying, Harry."

The front door opens and Louis calls out his greeting, "Honey, I'm home!"

Gemma raises an eyebrow. "He doesn't even live here."

Harry glares at his so called sister. "No. We're _not_ going there again."

They'd been through this before. Gemma had been telling Harry that Louis was in love with him for _years_. Before Harry even realized himself that he was gay.

"Where aren't we going?" Louis asks, ignoring the open chair beside Gemma and instead plopping onto Harry's lap, stealing a carrot. "I wanna go."

Gemma covers her face with her hands, chuckling.

Louis makes a face as he chews before swallowing and reaching for the glass of water. "I always forget I hate those things."

Louis twists his body around to stare at Harry, a pondering look on his face.

"What? Do I have summat on my face?" He asks annoyed. He hates people staring at him.

Louis shakes his head, a fond smile forming over his lips. "No, I just like looking at you sometimes."

Gemma loses it then, excusing herself throughout her laughter. 

Harry just groans. So _this_ is his life.

\--

Months go by, and nothing really changes.

Louis still stays over at Harry's more often than not, pretending to help while Harry cooks or cleans. He steals the remote when Harry goes to the bathroom, playing innocent when _Hell's Kitchen_ is changed to _Keeping Up With The Kardashians_. He steals the covers because he refuses to ever go home to his own bed, and uses up all the hot water in the mornings. He forgets to put the milk back in the fridge and leaves his shoes laying around. But it's okay, because Harry _likes_ it. Probably more than he should, but.

He likes the way it feels like it used to be. Back when they _actually_ lived together. Back when there were no girlfriends or questions of sexualities. Back before Harry told him he was gay, really. That was when things started to change.

Harry doesn't _regret_ telling Louis - of course not. He does maybe regret drunkenly telling him one night that he was in love with him, but. Harry pretended to forget anything happened when he woke up, and Louis hadn't spoken of it since, so. It is what it is.

"What are you getting all dressed up for?" Harry wonders, walking into his bedroom to see Louis in a new pair of black slacks and a grey sweater, checking his bum out in the mirror.

"Do these pants make my bum look big?" He asks.

"Yes." Harry replies automatically, dropping his laundry onto the bed so he could fold it.

Louis grins. "Good."

"Hot date tonight?"

Louis shrugs. "Maybe."

"With, uh, with who?" Harry asks, trying to hide his dissapointment. He knew that nothing had changed. He knew that Louis wasn't suddenly gay. He knew that Louis was straight. Nothing changed. At all. He _knew_ this.

"Eleanor." Louis replies shortly, slipping into a pair of black dress shoes. And _what_? Louis never wears dress shoes. _Ever_.

"Eleanor?"

"Hmm? Oh, Calder."

Harry's eyes widen, staring at Louis as if he'd grown a third head. " _Gemma's_ Eleanor?"

"Mhm."

"And _how_ did this happen?" Harry demands. He doesn't care if he sounds like a jealous boyfriend. Anything related to Gemma was bad news when it came to Harry, and or, Louis.

"She asked me."

"When did you even meet her?"

"When I had lunch with Gemma last week. _Jeesh_ , H, are you done with twenty questions? I need to leave like, five minutes ago." Louis huffs.

Harry frowns, watching Louis not even wait for a reply before he walks out of the flat. "Yeah, sure."

\--

He calls Gemma. She tells him to trust her, this will help all of them. He asks how. She laughs like a crazy woman and hangs up. He hates Gemma.

\--

"Big third date, huh?" Harry asks from the sofa as Louis lets himself in a months later. "How'd it go?"

Louis just stares blankly at Harry, blinking.

"Not well?"

The shorter boy shrugs. "Was fine. Nothing extraordinary."

"Hmm."

"Don't sound too disappointed, Haz." Louis rolls his eyes, grabbing the popcorn from Harry. "Budge up."

Harry grumbles, but sits up, expecting Louis to sit at the other end. He's surprised when Louis settles himself between his legs though, sitting back into Harry's chest. 

"You can touch me you know, I won't break."

"Right." Harry shakes his head, wrapping his arms around Louis' waist. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Can we watch _The Notebook_?" Louis asks instead of answering.

"Sure thing, Lou." 

"Love you Haz, you're the best."

\--

He calls Gemma. She tells him to trust her. He demands to know why Louis is so sad. She promises she knows what she's doing. He hangs up on her. He hates Gemma.

\--

"Can you hand me that?" Louis mumbles, smacking Harry in the face.

Harry blinks awake, sending an elbow into Louis ribs before reaching onto the nightstand and grabbing the phone. He briefly sees the caller ID, that reads _Miss Calder_.

"You call your girlfriend Miss Calder?" Harry raises his eyebrow. "Is that some kind of kink or..."

Louis' eyes widen and he smacks Harry as he grabs the phone and quickly crawls out of bed, not even bothering to put a pair of pants on.

Okay then. Harry's not worried. Harry's not suspicious. Of course not.

\--

Okay. _Now_ Harry's worried. _Now_ Harry's suspicious. "Uh, Lou? There's uh, someone here for you?" Harry says, though it comes out as more of question.

"Give me a minute!" He hollers from the bedroom.

Harry's eyes are wide as he looks over the man standing in his doorway. The very tall, very handsome, very _male_ man standing in his doorway, looking dressed for a night out asking for Louis.

"Um, you can like, come in?" Harry offers, scratching the back of his neck.

The man smiles. "I'm Greg. Take it you're Harry?"

"Er, yeah." Harry smiles bemused. "That'd be me."

"I'm-" Louis runs out of the bedroom, one shoe on his foot and the other in his hand. He looks breathtaking in his black skinnies, a white button down and _fuck_ , he hadn't shaved. "Oh _shit_. You're here already."

The man, Greg, laughs and Harry frowns, hating the way Louis's smile brightens at that. "Sorry, I'm early."

Louis shakes his head, a slight blush appearing on his face. "No, I'm sorry. I'm always running late. I lost my shoe, and knowing me, I'd lost me head if it wasn't attached."

Greg laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard and Louis blushed. What. The. Fuck.

Harry looks between the two, glowering. He's not _dumb_. This is a _date_. His only question is - since the fuck _when_ is Louis interested in blokes? Fucking _when_? And _why_ wasn't Harry there when it happened?

"Alright. I'm leaving. Have fun, Haz. Don't wait up!" Louis grins, pressing a quick kiss to Harry's cheek before taking Greg's outstretched arm and walking out the door, leaving Harry confused and annoyed and _fuck_ , he needs to call Gemma.

\--

He calls Gemma. She tells him she's sorry, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He hangs up on her. He hates himself.

\--

"So, I think I'm gay."

Harry freezes, watching Louis stand awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen out of the corner of his eye.

"Or, like, bi?" He continues after another silent minute. "But I definitely prefer blokes."

Harry blinks and looks up, staring at Louis. He blinks again. And again. "Okay?"

Louis smiles and nods. "Okay."

And that's it, really. Louis goes out again, this time with some bloke called Nick. And Harry stays home, staring at the wall wondering how the fuck this is his life.

\--

It's a year before anything slightly noteworthy happens.

It's a year of occasional touches that linger a beat too long. It's a year of kisses just a little too close to the mouth. It's a year of accidentally walking in while the other is wanking. It's a year of this in-between, whatever it is that Harry definitely doesn't understand, but sure as hell doesn't question. It reminds him of how things used to be, before he had to go and mess it all up.

It's a year of only small changes, but when the big thing happens, it's sort of amazing. And unexpected. 

Louis had broken up with Nick after only a few dates, telling Harry that he just wasn't his type. " _Pretentious hipster._ " he had called him. He explained that Eleanor was a counselor of sorts, helping him come to terms with the fact that yeah, he sort of preferred cock. It helped, apparently. And now he was just taking some time to figure out who he really was and what he really wanted before jumping into another relationship. Which. Was good. Harry could handle that. Harry wasn't getting his hopes up, but part of him still hopes.

The changes are there though, and that's what gives Harry the tiny bit of hope that he still has.

Louis stays over at Harry's so often, he's even gotten rid of his flat, choosing instead of become a full-time flatmate.

Harry smiles fondly when Louis pretends to help while Harry cooks or cleans. Sometimes Louis will even _help_ , not just _pretend_. Those are the times Harry smiles the biggest.

He grins when Louis steals the remote when Harry goes to the bathroom, playing innocent when _Hell's Kitchen_ is changed to _Keeping Up With The Kardashians_. Louis will wink and they'll cuddle and watch disaster reality TV all night.

He feels his stomach erupt to butterflies whenever Louis steals the covers because he refuses to even set up his own bed, and Harry doesn't even get annoyed when Louis uses up all the hot water in the mornings. Louis even offers to let him shower first.

Harry buys new milk when Louis forgets to put it back in the fridge and moves the shoes to the pile beside the door. He's rewarded with a hug and warm cuppa every night.

Things change, and Harry loves it.

\--

They're sitting on the sofa on a Saturday, sharing a cuppa Yorkshire because Louis forgot to remind him they were running low.

"I love you, Haz."

Harry's lips quirk into a small smile, looking up into Louis sparkling blue eyes. "I love you too, Lou."

"Would it make me a terrible person if I said I wanted to kiss you right now?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow, his lips quirked into a cheeky grin.

"Um." Harry's eyes widen.

"Because I quite want to kiss you right now." Louis speaks again before Harry even had time to form a coherent thought.

"No?" Harry answers.

"So like, " Louis bites his lip. "Okay?"

"I mean, like, yeah. 'Course Lou. If you want to." Harry stutters out.

Louis grins before putting placing his tea on the table, scooting closer to Harry. "Love you, Harry."

Harry's heart beats out of his chest as Louis comes closer. "Love you too, Boo. More than you'll ever know."

Louis flicks his chin before grabbing Harry's face in both of his hands and pressing their lips together, both of them smiling and giggling too much for it to last too long. They spend the rest of the day repeating their love for each other in between giggles and kisses. It's good. Change is good, Harry thinks.

\--

He calls Gemma. He tells her that he loved her. She hung up on him, telling him to go snog his boy senseless. And he does. He loved Gemma.

And Louis too. You know, a lot.

And Louis loves him too. You know, a lot apparently.

\--

He falls asleep with Louis in his arms that night, their legs tangled and heartbeats in sync. He smiles as he presses a kiss to Louis' forehead before he falls into the first peaceful slumber in years, holding his boy close, wondering how the fuck this is his life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally going to make it a non-happy ending, but. I'm a sucker for those things, so. Also, sorry for any typos / errors. It's late and I'm tired and this is really, just one big piece of shit. 
> 
> [Tumblr](http://hewantstomarryharry.tumblr.com/)  
> if you want to chat or throw rotten tomatoes.


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